oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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