I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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