hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
