My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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