Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
