yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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