the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
