I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
