i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
