it hurts more in the daytime
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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