Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
