they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
