Little spoons don't ask big questions
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
