When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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