Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
