I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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