if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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