i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
