I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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