So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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