Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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