some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
