you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
