Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
