well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
