I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
