I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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