you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
