Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
