sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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