just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
