return my video game
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
