I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
