look no pants
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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