also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
