My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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