i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Acid is not a monday night drug
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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