think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
