I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
