Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
