I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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