well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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