my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
