my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
