I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
