I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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