It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
