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I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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