my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I could fuck to npr.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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