I heard we made out
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There's always time for handjobs
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
