I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
