apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i think i scared a bird with my dick
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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