How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
