I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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