Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
