This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Less talking, more tequila
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
