she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
