those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
